I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
