Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
