My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Me too!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
