you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
