I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
