Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize