i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
