dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
