i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
