3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
