This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
