every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
