What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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