2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
