sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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