Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Come see our sink grown plant.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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