he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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