I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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