Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
