I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
