Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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