I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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