Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
