He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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