Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
