So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
