If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
