you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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