everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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