how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
