That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
