I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize