My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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