what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
