If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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