i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
