he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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