Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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