I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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