We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
