margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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