I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She's JV to your varsity
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
