I think im going to throw up on grandma
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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