drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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