So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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