Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
