I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How does one acquire holy water?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize