Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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