apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is wine microwaveable?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
