oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
