Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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