I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Houston, we have a squirter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
