Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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