im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
