that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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