Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
