I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
