i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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