four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
