You smell like stripper and shame
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
