I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
