and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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