Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
tell me about the eggs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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