i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
