Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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