It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
